by Calvin Rarie

The end has come. On April 4th, GW announced that a vast amount of Age of Sigmar models and even entire ranges would be “retired” in advance of 4th edition being launched later this Summer. Our good friend Joel wrote at length on his feelings regarding the great purge of Stormcast and Beasts of Chaos, and so now it is with a heavy heart I get to write a send off for Bonesplitterz, everyone’s favorite naked idiots.

I am going to level with you from the get-go: like Joel, I am deep in my feelings about this decision with the only thing lessening the blow being that I and the 12 or so other Bonesplitterz players in the world having known this was coming for a LONG time. Even still, with 12k points of painted Bonesplitterz sitting in containers that haven’t been opened in months, it’s like looking at a tomb full of friends you’re not really going to ever get to hang out with again.

Why? Oh, I have words to explain why.

A Slow Death

Look, I’m not trying to be morbid here, but watching what’s happened to Bonesplitterz (who are, admittedly, nothing but little plastic dudes) over the past four years has been like watching a friend go into terminal decline. Those of us around with the army before 3rd edition started remember all the things you used to do with the ladz–no retreats, hero phase shooting and the like. Was the army ever truly competitive? Rarely, but it worked and that’s all you needed to get some fun games in.

Then 3rd edition rolls around and–I shit you not–the rewrite to Bonesplitterz warscrolls and battle traits represented a ~60% decrease in the word count across the whole army. The identity of an army in-game is focused almost entirely on its rules, and the fearsome Monster Killer Orruks more or less lost every appreciable rule or ability that made them Monster Killers. Do you remember D6 damage on Big Stabbas when fighting Monsters? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

But, not all was lost–what was there was pretty damn efficient, and through some careful play and positioning, one could win with Bonesplitters. That and spamming the holy fuck out of Big Stabbas, too. I think we can also appreciate that the Wurrgog Prophet is probably the single most cracked out hero ever produced in Age of Sigmar too, instilling the fear of god in anyone dumb enough to willfully end within 12″ of him. There was a VERY brief time where Bonesplitterz was at the top of the meta, which made me a proud papa with the thesis length articles I wrote about how to play the army competitively, which even years after the fact I still randomly get pinged about. 2022 was a good year for the ladz.

In classic GW fashion though–which was the first real indicator that the end was coming–the folks on the rules team categorically nerfed every efficient part of the army, cratering the effectiveness of Bonesplitterz as a fighting force. Players dropped off, and event submissions hovered around zero as everyone moved on to greener pastures. After weeks and months with little results, Bonesplitterz occasionally popped in and out of the Metawatch articles…. with no points reductions anywhere.

As Battlescrolls rolled in and out, more and more love was given to the Ironjawz and Kruleboyz, with the first real warning sign being when both of the other Warclans received new battle tactics, and Bonesplitterz didn’t. And then Ironjawz received shirtless, tattooed Orruks crazy with Waaagh energy, and Bonesplitterz didn’t. And then Kruleboyz received a monster-hunting unit, and–you guessed it–Bonesplitterz didn’t.

I’m happy for those out there in IJ or KB land getting love, because Green is Best and Orruks are awesome and deserve good things, but holy fucking shit did it feel awful seeing the identity of your army getting stripped in front of you in real time. It was like watching an estate get divided up before the person had even died.

The audacity of GW trying to play off their business decision as giving Bonesplitterz “a well deserved retirement” is so god damn tone deaf that it makes sense why they struggle sometimes to make good decisions for their business, because holy shit do you even hear yourself? Could you imagine a world where people in charge of businesses are just forthcoming to their customers about the prospects of their chosen hobby, and the models they have decided to purchase from them? How refreshing would that be!

Building, painting, and playing these armies is an investment of both time, money, and for some people, emotional investment. Yes, yes, it’s just a game. Yes, yes, it’s just little plastic dudes. But playing, painting, and traveling with these armies builds a connection to them in a way that most other games out there do not build. So when an army that you’ve spent, you know, thousands of dollars and potentially hundreds of hours painting and playing, it really sucks when you get the rug pulled out from under you.

One final note though, regarding The Old World and what has happened to Beasts of Chaos–I want to go on the record and say that saying “At least you can play them in the Old World!” is categorically a shitty thing to say.

I don’t want to play them in the Old World. I want to play them in Age of Sigmar. I, personally, do not give a shit about The Old World. If you do, and you’re one of the affected armies, I’m happy for you! Keep repping your favorite armies, but for the rest of us we’re going to have our time of mourning and move on.

Unless you’re a Bonesplitterz player, because right now GW didn’t even bother fucking announcing whether or not the faction will be rolled back into TOW. So get fucked, I guess.

Peter Atkinson writes…

Bonesplitterz mattered to me like they mattered to a lot of people – the cut runs deep. People who love this army just kept coming back to it, no matter how hard GW screwed them over the years. Aussie Bonesplitterz legend Matt Gammie said it best: they’re like that ex-girlfriend you still sometimes drunk text, even though you should know better. Bonesplitterz is an army that gets down in your blood.

They were a niche army of course, a situation not helped by being rapidly and enthusiastically fucked into the dirt any time they were accidentally good, and backed up by no model support whatsoever for the length of their existence.

Losing the money I’ve invested in them hurts, losing the time I’ve invested in them really hurts, but the thing that’s lingering 48 hours after the news broke? I’ve lost my favourite army.

Bonesplitterz were My Guys and while they can never take away the memories, they have taken away the chance to make more. And I’m including most of 3rd Edition in that, as the army became a hollowed-out shell and we were denied any real joy for much of the last three years.

Some people will be rolling their eyes at all of this. I’ve already seen a handful of “Doesn’t impact me” dickheads telling people to shut up and get over it. What was it that Thumper said in Bambi?

Of course we will get over it, but that won’t be a snap of the fingers. These armies were a huge part of our hobby – it matters to us, and we’re going to need some time. If you don’t get that, I feel sorry for you, because you just don’t get this hobby at all.

Far more common were the people who absolutely do get it, so sincere thanks to everyone who has reached out in person or over the socials this weekend to let me know that they were thinking of me, and that they care. That they get it.

It means a lot to me, and I’m a loyal person with a bloody good memory.

Last thing to say here is that I hope the Splitterz and BOC both get great index rules for 4th Edition, so we can at least get some joy out of them over the next 12 months or so. Place your bets.

I’ll hand you back to Calvin now to wrap it up.

What Next?

I love my Bonesplitterz. I’m going to re-use them in some capacity–definitely not in The Old World, but that’s just me–and look into converting them into different armies. I’ll be having an article on repurposing the army in the near future, as I have some genuinely weird ideas for the boyz, and hopefully it will give you inspiration on what to do with them since GW more or less told us to get fucked.

Bonesplitterz unironically changed my life–I got to meet Peter through the Grand Alliance Forums, and connected with a global group of knuckleheads over the greatest army ever. Getting 10th at NOVA out of 160+ players with them (and Best Destruction) has been the peak of my playing career so far. The ride is over, and I’ve since moved on to other projects, but I’m always going to look back fondly on all those butts I’ve highlighted.

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