By Pat Nevan
Ok so it turns out my initial idea to write a full diary-style article every day at Cancon may have been a little bit more than my chronically lazy ass could handle. In fairness I was playing at the event, drinking at the event, living at a campsite with my boys at the event and I suffer from a neurological disorder that obliged me to run my mouth to anyone within earshot instead of doing anything productive.1 I was unable to find the time to convert my hastily-written notes into a poorly-written article so by the end of Day Two I said “Fuck the Craichouse Patreons.2 I’ll do it when I get home.”
New shed for Cancon Call to Glory 2.0
Unfortunately I’m home now so away we go. This first article is a write-up of the first day of the event. If you recall, I decided to follow the fortunes of three players: The Veteran – Joel McGrath, the First-Timer Justin Clark and the Filthy Casual – Stephen Binek alongside myself. You can find interviews with the guys and information about their lists by following the links, including my own list alongside Binek’s there. I did manage to write one Diary entry about the Day of Arrival before alcohol and inertia got the better of my good intentions.
Cancon was neatly divided into a 2-day singles event with Day 3 comprising both a standalone doubles event, plus the elimination finals for the Top 8 from the singles. So I may as well cover them separately. For the round by round stuff, I’ll stick to my notes as much as possible to preserve an immediate feel. 3 For the rest, I’ll try for some sort of overarching narrative alongside the pithy social commentary that all of my fans have come to love over my blogging career. For the pics, I took some, but as per usual I went through long stretches of forgetting about the invention of the phone camera so other people’s good ones are in there as well. My sincere apologies to anyone whose models I have in pictures without mentioning their names, drop me a line and I’ll edit it in.
Day One
It’s said that over time women forget the agony of childbirth, otherwise they would never have another child. I go through much the same thing with the discomfort of camping. Every time I camp I get about 4 hours sleep a night, experience the joys of communal showering, throw my back out sleeping on the ground like the homeless person I will inevitably become if my blogging career doesn’t take off and infuriate my clubmates with a stream of complaints that can be considered vitriolic even by my standards. Yet every year, I look forward to camping on our Cruise to Cancon.
Inside the Shed Day One
I got a couple of hours of interrupted sleep and Joel McGrath was cooking up bacon and eggs for the gang, so the day was off to a good start. My morning trip to the shower block introduced us to what would become an unusual feature of the trip: some guy wearing nothing but a towel having a fully lathered-up razor shave in the shower block. Almost every time somebody went to the shower, morning or night they came back saying “How’s about that weirdo in the towel having a shave, what the fuck was that about?” I don’t know if it was always the same guy or why this particular camping ground had such excellent presentation standards but it was a bit odd.
The Campground is in the same compound as the venue4 so, having carefully positioned the car the night before to hold our carpark beers, we straggled down to the venue with the usual 20 minutes of aimless cat-herding that accompanies any group activity. The AOS event had moved to another giant shed which was sort of a nice break between the old and new management of the event. The new shed was slightly less oppressively hot, about as deafeningly loud but with less toilet facilities. Closer to the food trucks but with longer lines at lunchtime. If you regard discomfort as some sort of test of moral fortitude it was sufficiently crappy. Everyone was keen to get started and most people were setting up well before the official hellos and speechifying.
Round 1: The agony of defeat
Lost 27-19 to Ashley Elllis (Stormcast), Geomantic Pulse
After planning, blogging, boasting and making vows about my performance I fell over at the first hurdle like a plane crashing on the runway. Not to take anything away from my opponent but a couple of absolute brainfarts blew this one for me, losing Nef and the VLoZD in one turn. Nef was particularly galling as I moved her into combat with Ashley’s Blizzard Wizard and then forgot it had Blizzard, and split my attacks failing to kill anything, never mind the one thing that had to go. Which is not to say I would have won the game. Telling the story of your dumb mistakes implies that your opponent got lucky but Ash was a fine player who got a lot out of a B-Tier army at the event. He finished on 23rd from 180 players on a solid 4-1 dropping. Great guy and a name to watch for in the future.
The turn before Nef and the VLZOD both died very stupidly
I think I took the loss fairly well by my standards or people just don’t expect much from me after all this time, but I was honestly pretty deflated. It’s one thing to lose when you are running a novelty army but fucking the dog in Round One when you are running S-Tier filth really has you doubting yourself. As an added bonus I finished pretty early and had all the time in the world to wander around bumping into friends and acquaintances who were all astonished I had lost with such a cooked list. It was going to be a long day.
The First Timer Defeated Jack Black, Slaves to Darkness, 27 – 6
A pretty devastating win in an STD mirror match against a newer player. Justin was able to roll over him by tying up the right units and smashing the rest with well-timed double pile ins. A very solid first round for our first timer. There wasn’t a lot to report about this one but Jack was a good guy with a great attitude to the game.5
The Filthy Casual Lost to Zak Rockman, Orruk Warclans, 32-9
Binek was suffering from an outbreak of Binek’s luck when he came up against the eventual 2-day leaderboard winner in his first game. Big Waaagh is a bogeyman army for Binek and today was no exception. He tried to Alpha down the Big Waaagh castle with his Morghasts but failed their 3D6 charges and got disassembled over the next 2 turns. Binek swears that despite playing Big Waaagh Zak was a great opponent; he does seem pretty cool and he did collar a surprising number of sports votes for a tournament winner but eh.
The Veteran Defeated Tim Barklay, Soulblight Gravelords, 30-13
Tim is an old-school legend of hobby, all around great guy and one of Australia’s best painters. He had never played Joel before and actually wanted to for whatever reason, so he issued a challenge for a friendly Grudge (or playdate as we call them in these parts). Tim, who will happily admit he doesn’t sweat the playing side of AOS, threw everything forward turn one, bounced when he needed to stick and got ground out over a couple of turns. The Dragon mortal wounds and Ionus’s ability to stop Vampiric Healing with his shooting attack were clutch. Still, it was a fun game with a lot of cool moments.
Joel’s Knight Draconis General dueling Tim’s Terrorgheist high above the table
Tim came away from the event with the real prize he was gunning for: an emphatic win in the Coolest Army category. I’ll throw in some pictures throughout the article
With my round one over early I noodled around the convention center feeling sorry for myself before deciding to grab some lunches, recoiling from the length of the lines and heading over to the Measured Mobile for a few lunchtime beers before the next round.
Another of Tim’s, the whole thing is hard to fit in one frame
Round 2: Winners are Grinners
Won 26-7 vs Grifffyn Hurst (Gloomspite Gitz), Spring the Trap
I have always maintained that any list will work as planned at least once in a 5 Round event and Griffyn was unlucky enough to be there when mine worked exactly as planned. They were running a Trogg-heavy list in King’s Gitz, set up in a normal castle formation and my boys deployed toe on the line, took first turn and tore them to shreds. I got all the dice that I needed with my VLoZD shooting off one Gloomspite Wizard per turn for the first 3 turns, including Skaggrott.
Credit goes to Griffyn for making what could have been a pretty miserable couple of hours into a damned good time and trying some absolute longshot battle tactics. I can’t recall the last time I saw someone roll so well in pointless junktime and just laugh it off. There aren’t many Gloomspite players who have seen a unit of 3 Rockguts get every point of their damage through but these lot pumped the full 18 damage into 3 wounds of Black Knights. The absolute highlight was when Griffyn was using endless spells to try and shave the last few wounds off a Gobbapallooza to make way for a charge and hit 6 out of 7 ward saves. Great opponent.
Still when you base your self worth on tabletop gaming the pendulum is never far from an an upswing, and I was pretty happy to pick up a win and head out to the carpark for a few celebratory beers before the next round.
Thomas Oliver’s Seraphon, winner of Best Painted and runner up in Coolest Army
The First Timer Lost to Terrence Voller, Hedonites of Slaanesh, 26-10
People who know much more about AOS than me are fairly sure that Blissbarbs are garbage now at 170pts. Apparently no one told Terry Voller that because he showed up with 70 of them. Justin had a pretty fair idea of what was coming so kept his 6 Varanguard off the table to avoid them being zapped by Strength of Godhood. There typically isn’t a whole lot to say about being shot off the board so I’ll leave it to Justin: “Opponent was a 1 drop, lifted half my army with 177-ish shots. Won Prio, lifted pretty much the second half T2. Managed to bomb the 9” charge on T2 when the VG came in. Lifted some Blissbarbs but lost another Prio with both of us rolling 6’s and opponent breaking ties. Sometimes dice games just come down to dice games. Happy with how it went but could’ve gone better.”
The Filthy Casual Defeated Adam Southwell, Beasts of Chaos, 26-12
From the sounds of a pretty enthusiastic report, Binek’s luck came roaring back into action here. He got the win against the BOC here by having Arkhan survive a charge from 6 Bullgors with 2 wounds remaining, which sounds pretty unlikely. Nagash’s Protection got Arkhan out of the hot zone and he healed up and came back to lead his boys, finishing off the BOC on the ground. Apparently no one told Arkhan or Binek that Curse of Years is garbage now and he dealt 15 mortals6 to a unit of Dragon Ogors with it. Binek had the wind in his sails after this one.
Thomas Oliver’s again
The Veteran Defeated Jake Gonzales, Seraphon, 27-10
Joel was late sending his reports in via messenger but it turns out he is a natural prose stylist so I’ll leave it to him. ”Jake was running a Coalesced Seraphon list with Kroak. As soon as I saw it was Coalesced my mind was put at ease after seeing the Seraphon matchup. Dragons Go Brrr and mortal wound shooting gave them a taste of their own medicine. Jake was a lovely dude from Sydney who had been playing for about a year or so. He didn’t even bring his terrain piece, because fuck ’em, that’s why. When you’ve got balls of steel you don’t need it. Once we both knew the game was over, he played it out anyway, charging all of his shitty heroes into combat for the sake of it. My Gryph Hounds managed to one shot his Starpriest as a result of his bloodthirsty dino’s. Jake was such a chad, he even came up to me a tonne over the weekend (even in the doubles), just to chat about the various things he’s done at Cancon, from how our games went to what he picked up at the second hand stall. It was humbling to see someone get so hyped about the whole Cancon experience. Something that, as a veteran player I’ve taken for granted for so long.”
By the end of round two, Cancon and the Carpark beers were beginning to take their toll. It wasn’t a particularly hot day outside but inside it was sweaty and loud. Voices were beginning to crack from shouting and tempers were getting short. The old hands sought shade and the comforts of a cold beer in the carpark but the third round would be a struggle regardless.
Round 3: Wherever you go, there you are
Won 23-15 vs Dave Cunning, Ogor Mawtribes, Power Flux
There is an immutable law that states when you travel a long way to play a tournament you will inevitably play some dude who lives 10 minutes from your house. So it was I drew my good friend NC Dave’s Bloodgullet Mawtribes. An army I know backwards and actually love playing against. Fresh from my Alpha-striking triumph last game I went billly beserk into one of Dave’s flanks turn one, but managed to trip over my own dick and block my Zombie Dragon, resulting in my army hitting with the force of a strand of wet lettuce. I knew it was going to get rough when Nef took 8 of a possible 9 charge mortals from Gnoblar traps.
Old School Grognards, bless them
Dave capitalized and over the double I lost Nef, 20 Black Knights and wound up with a VLoZD on 2 wounds. Then the magic of the SBGL happened, all my stuff came back and I ground him out of existence leaving him with one anxious Firebelly in Turn 5. Dave was basically in combat with an Ethereal VLoZD that shredded his army for 4 Battlerounds while he did it enough damage to kill it three times over. Rolling boxcars on Vile Transference every time a hero came within range didn’t help either. It was a tiring game at the end of a long-ass day and I was lucky to come away with the win.
The First Timer Defeated Keith Lawson, Lumineth Realm Lords, 21-8
Another strong win to Justin against a Cow-heavy LRL army. The Alarith get a lot of their buffs from being on objectives but Justin was able to keep the side objectives activated in Power Flux to stop the cowfolk from walking on to them. They were still pretty tough with Avalenor managing to shrug off a double pile-in from 6 charging Varanguard, which takes a bit of doing.
The battle cattle were unable to break through the STD armor or gain control of the objective activation for long enough to get into the scoring in what seems to have been a real meatgrinder, despite the fairly dominant final score.
The Filthy Casual Defeated Luke Collaros, BCR, 16-13
Binek’s luck held when he came up against the sort of BCR/Kragnos list that he likes to run himself and knows very well. Arkhan survived a Stonehorning turn one and Binek was able to take control of the game turn 2, putting down both of his opponent’s Stonehorns. By turn 3 Luke was down to Kragnos and 2 Frost Sabres when the misbranded BOC God went on an unstoppable rampage through the opposition, leaving Binek scraping for a win in what sounds like a great game.
Kragnos must have done something special because Binek spent the rest of the weekend making plans to run the big guy himself. It was a great game and Binek was full of praise for Luke who handled some spectacular bad luck remarkably well.
Skaven nom for Coolest Army, only time I can advise a blacklight at a games convention
The Veteran Lost to Terrence Voller, Hedonites of Slaanesh, 20-18
“Thanks to stats and ladders7, what was meant to be a fun monster mash game against a FEC army somehow got redrawn into one of the top players at the event. Terry has a big rap sheet of late, podiuming at Masters and winning various events around NSW. He was running 77 Blissbarb Archers, Syll’Esske and a Lord of Pain in a one drop. This was probably the most I had to think all weekend and it ended up being much closer than expected. I essentially danced around the edges all game, managing to score all 5 of my battle tactics to his 3. However, giving up the middle and Slaanesh having access to an auto grand strat meant I only managed to lose by 2 points instead of 20.
This was an absolute ball tearer of a game, and a losing performance I’m really proud of. Who knows? Maybe if I had two beers less (or two more?) in the carpark beforehand, I could’ve managed to draw it at the death.”
I will add what the fuck did I ever do to Terry Voller that he had to beat me at Masters and beat 2 of the 3 guys I’d picked for the article? I’d grudge him at our next event if it wasn’t strictly forbidden by my club rules. It’s not like I’m winning my first round match ups these days anyway.
So we wrapped up the day exhausted but reasonably happy with our results, with all four of our guys on 2-1. It would take some pretty special results for any of us to make the elimination round but I was processing failure with the emotional maturity for which I am widely known. Of the Measured Gaming crew only Joel Graham8 was 3-0 with his FEC and on track to take over the world one more time.
Dinner was Macca’s on the grounds that it was between the hall and the campground which shows you how tired we were. We sat around, had a few beers, talked some shit about all the things you do on away trips, had a few more beers and drifted off to bed around midnight. The best part of these weekends is really the time spent hanging out with your friends like you were back in high school. It’s something that adults don’t get to do enough of.
Scott Hoss’s Sylvaneth nom for Coolest Army, blurry cam all my own.
- It’s called Loudmouthedcuntitis and it’s quite common amongst hobby content creators. ↩︎
- Not a metaphor. I was drinking at a BBQ with a few of them at the time, shout out to Josh Clark who was good value all weekend ↩︎
- And limited rewrites. ↩︎
- The true Cancon enthusiast hates Canberra and sees as little of the city as possible. In five trips I have left the venue precinct exactly once, when I was unable to avoid helping with a pizza run. ↩︎
- I really wish there was a non-condescending way to say somebody took a beating well. ↩︎
- Amazing numbers for Curse cast by one of the most powerful wizards in the Mortal Realms, or slightly above average for Blizzard. Sigh. ↩︎
- The pairings system in use for the event, run by our good friend NC Dave Cunning whom Joel is having a dig at here. ↩︎
- Who is of Measured Gaming and events with us, but not officially in Measured Gaming anymore. Insofar as you can ever leave a cult. ↩︎
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