by Pat Nevan

Well I promised extensive coverage for Cancon 2024 and we have made it to the end just in time for the build up to Cancon 2025. As noted previously I am following the fortunes of myself, the First Timer- Justin Clark, The Filthy Casual – Stephen Binek and the Veteran – Joel McGrath. We have already been through the singles competition on Day One and Day Two. None of us made the cut for the elimination finals on Day Three which just leaves us with the doubles on the last day and some Jerry Springer style final thoughts on the whole shebang. Anyways lets get stuck in.

Regular Wanker (me) and an Order Wanker (Joel) flush with success and Carpark Beers at the Doubles

Day Three

Day Three saw me irrevocably awake at about 6:30am and tentatively approaching Macca’s for their early bird remorse breakfast special. Say what you will about fast food, there’s no better mechanism for delivering caffeine and calories to a rebellious stomach and after a shit, shower and a carefully gauged nod of greeting to the weirdo shaving in the toilet block I was ready to go. A few of the gang were heading home early today but I’d managed to talk The Veteran Joel McGrath into playing doubles with me, so I was looking forward to a bit of a fun day.

The Chads of Cancon were busy with their elimination finals up the front of the room while 70-odd people showed up for the doubles, with plenty arriving specifically for the event. It was a pretty ad hoc event as far as the pairings went, with some people signing up well in advance and other people showing up on the day. This led to a bit of unavoidable confusion with the software but the organizers got the ball rolling pretty smoothly.

The rules were 2x 1000 point armies of separate factions. No duplication of battalions, universal artefacts or warscrolls. The two armies were run as a single force, one command point, one use of each spell and command ability and so on. This led to a lot of interesting tactical¹ discussions about who got the Heroic Action, who got the All Out Defense and so on. I hadn’t played doubles since AOS 1 and there was a lot more going on in the format now.

Joel and I went with Double Dragons as a team name. I had the Ethereal VLoZD and 2 x10 Black Knights, he had 2 x 2 Stormdrakes and a Knight Draconis. We went with 6 drops and no battalions purely to flex on our opponents.

Round One: Lines of Communication

Victory vs Kieren Hunt (STD) & Sam Mengel (Stormcast), 23-7

From the very beginning it looked like Joel and I might be on to a winner with the doubles format. After a lot of time spent playing, driving and podcasting together we have a pretty good comedy routine and doubles is more or less an excuse to carry on like a pro-wrestling tag team in the name of having a good time.

Should have found a partner who knew how to do the Mega Powers handshake.

Kieren and Sam were fun opponents, Keiren had made the trip up specifically for the doubles event and was running a whole bunch of Ogroids while Sam had mainly Shootcast. It was actually a pretty well thought out army for the doubles. Joel and I moved up turn one and tore into it like rabid animals turn 2. Our armies proved to be ridiculously complementary all event. The Stormcast got bodies, battle tactics and a grand strat. The SBGL got durability, ranged output and striking power from the Dragons. I rarely used command abilities.

The biggest laugh of our event happened turn 2. My VLoZD had taken a pasting previously and was down to 8 wounds. Joel reminded Sam to use his Holy Command to shoot the Longstrikes, who whiffed and took 2 wounds of fthe VLoZD. I said ” You know you’ve just killed my dragon motherfucker, I bet it dies to the wound.” Sam opened up on it with all his other shooting: 10 Judicators, 3 Longstrikes and a Knight Judicator, rolled very badly, and killed it to the wound. I let go with a burst of comic ranting and roaring that they probably heard in the next hall², it was that kind of day.

Kieren’s very colorful Ogroid Theradons on the carry case

Still the game was in the bag when we won third turn priority, and well all wandered of for a look at the second hand stall and the other pavilions before heading back for a few lunch time beers. The doubles was off to a great start.

Round 2: The Icefields

Victory vs Alexander Krohn (KO) and Mark Nodge (Seraphon), 27-16

We drew the Pride of South Australia for this one and coming up against two Worlds-calibre Veterans with a good mix of shooting and melee, we were a little bit worried. We didn’t need to be, as Krohn rolled some of the worst dice I have ever seen for his first two turns of shooting. And his last two turns now that I think about it. He was using that goofy Artycle that lets you reroll a 1 to hit once per shooting phase and rerolled it into a 1 on no fewer than three occasions.

Turn 2 they selected the Kill Something With Shooting battle tactic, and with 5x Grundstok Gunhaulers blazing away took just 3 of the 8 wounds off a single surviving dragon. Joel wasn’t even saving well, Krohn was just missing everything. Turn 2 we brought on all our stuff and got the double into Turn 3, effectively winning the match and leaving just Battle Tactics to play for (which were a major factor in the placings at this event). The guys whiffed Led Into the Maelstrom when I got a lucky 6 on battleshock for my Black Knights, leaving them in combat with no one, and whiffed the Kill Something With Bombs KO battle tactic when two Gunhaulers couldn’t do one mortal to a Black Knight.³

You can see the dead pile of Black Knights in the seconds before they ‘failed’ their battleshock

Joel and I couldn’t fail a dice roll all game and more or less fell out of our chairs laughing the whole time. The game was so ridiculous the SA boys had no choice but to join in⁴ and we came away with a massive win in quick enough time to hook into the carpark beers.

Round 3: Towers in the Tundra

Victory vs Justin Clark(STD) and Jarrod Smith (Slaanesh), 27-7

For our final round we came up against The First Timer Justin Clark and his Model Citizens clubmate Jarrod Smith. The guys had been at the BBQ with us the night before so it was a friendly game with a fair amount of back and forth. We set up more or less on the line and I was feeling a bit woozy from the carpark beers, so when they gave us the first turn I said “Fuck it, lets just Alpha the hell out of them.” Which we did.

Alpha incoming. Towers in the Tundra, much better than I expected as a battleplan

Got some of the Black Knights in and hit a lucky charge on the VLoZD tying up the bulk of the enemy battleline, but Joel’s dragons were the stars of the show, achieving an actual Stormcast battle tactic from deepstrike much to everybody’s amazement. The Model Citizens struggled back, scraping a battle tactic in their Turn 1 but we won Turn 2 prio and more or less agreed that was that.

Battle tactics counted towards placings so before we tabled them, Justin and Jarrod took a shot at scoring Magical Dominance during the end of game theoryhammer phase and cast a Mystic Shield with a casting value of 15. I threw an 11 to unbind and let Joel throw our only Primal, and he hit a five. It really was that kind of day and a perfect last throw of the dice for the tournament.

Wrapping Up

There really wasn’t much more to do but have a few more carpark beers, listen to some speeches and see who won the event. The elimination rounds had been going on throughout the doubles and there were a few issues with bye rounds and people having to leave early, but it all came out alright on the day with Nathan Thompson’s KO emerging as clear winner, beating Joel Graham’s FEC.⁶ I was a bit wrapped up in the Doubles but there was a good crowd and a fair bit of interest in the showdown.

Nathan with the TOs, accepting a well-deserved first place

As for the Doubles, Joel and I were the clear winners. And I do mean clear winners: by ruthlessly hammering our opponents out of battle tactics, the second place getters⁷ would have had to play a 4th game to catch us. We also picked up a prize for narrative enthusiasm at the event, so who says you can’t have it all?

With these kind of results bragging is kind of superfluous, I’m still doing it though

The Doubles was the highlight of the event for me and not just because we won it. It was something different and a lot of people who weren’t super competitive or couldn’t make the two days came to Canberra specifically for the Doubles. Three days of gaming was a lot and I finished the day exhausted, with an aching ribcage from laughing all day. Am I going to abandon my singles career and pursue my fortune in the Doubles, like some AOS version of the Woodies?⁸ No, Doubles is one of those things that just wouldn’t be fun if you were seriously competitive about it. Having said that Joel and I will be back to defend our titles next year whether we make the final 8 or not.⁹

Isn’t it Bromantic, Doubles Champions of the World

As for the event itself, Jason and the team did an amazing job running it, especially considering it was their first time. There were a few problems here and there but honestly, you try running an event without anything going wrong and see how you do. Tournament Organizers, like Game Store owners, need to be carefully nurtured and encouraged to do a shitty job that no one in their right mind would take on, for the good of the community. So great job guys, you’re worthy successors to the brand as far as I’m concerned and I’ll certainly be back next year.

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Other than that, just a quick review of the gang and I’m about done with Cancon.

The First Timer: Justin Clark

Justin went 4-1 and finished a solid 28th out of 180 which is the result he was aiming for. He was in the Doubles and finished with a solid 2-1 but didn’t have a lot to report. Looking over his results, Justin played a lot of long games in the singles and was basically worn out by the end of Day Three and ended up missing out on a lot of the general Con stuff. Proof once again that you should get your Cancon games done quickly one way or another. He travelled up with a good 12 of his clubmates and I’m fairly certain there were a lot of converts to the Cancon experience.

The Filthy Casual: Stephen Binek

Binek flew a little too close to the sun with two wins on Day One and couldn’t quite get the third to hit his goals on day two. The Doubles was also a bit of a disappointment when his partner withdrew after Round 1 with a bad back, so he didn’t have the best weekend at the tables, but still managed to come away energized about the game. Binek had a great time everywhere else around the Con and was in fine form with his story telling on the Saturday night. I look forward to our next event together.

The Veteran: Joel McGrath

Joel was unhappy with his performance in the Singles. 5 great games, 5 new opponents etc etc but a 3-2 doesn’t quite cut the mustard, especially with a couple of close losses. Still, there is a lot more to Cancon than playing the actual game. Like all Leader types, Joel is a relentless booster for his gaming club and the success of the Measured Gaming carpark beers and BBQ probably mean more to him than results. Absolutely dominating the Doubles didn’t hurt either.

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Anyhow that’s about it for Cancon 2024, easily my longest bit of event coverage. I’d like to thank my interviewees for taking part, Editor Pete for wading through this sludge¹⁰ and any of the readers who made it this far. I do sometimes wonder why I write these things. It’s always more work than I expect and there’s something a little cringey about chronicling your deeds as a ‘content creator’ But fuck it, we were there and we did it, so why not record it? I’ll leave the last word on Cancon to Justin Clark:

“Five good games, but realistically in a few years not going to remember a single one of them. Will definitely remember the carpark beers and BBQ though”

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1. Or strategic, I always get them confused. ↩︎
2. “OH LOOK AT MY PARTNER, ISN’T HE JUST THE BEST SPORT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. CAN YOU HEAR THAT MUSIC OUTSIDE. THAT’S THE PARADE THEY’RE HOLDING FOR YOU MOTHERFUCKER CAUSE YOURE THE GREATEST GUY ON EARTH! KILLED MY FUCKING DRAGON etc etc.” ↩︎
3. In fairness I did hit a 6 up ward to save his last wound ↩︎
4. Krohn’s “I have a plane to catch.” line was a great moment in comedy ↩︎
5. Nathan drew a bye in Round One of the elimination and was a bit worried that naysayers would question his win, which is odd cause he has been around long enough to know that naysayers will always question your wins. ↩︎
6. Cancon veterans Ash McEwen and Matt Campbell as it happens ↩︎
7. Mark and Todd Woodbridge, famous Australian Tennis Doubles Partners ↩︎
8. There was some talk from the TOs of not having traditional winners next year so we may be the only people to ever win the event the old fashioned way. ↩︎
9. Yes it does get edited ↩︎

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