“And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,   

Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?“

W.B. Yeats, The Second Coming

The Plastic Craic Team will be out in force at Summer Smash this weekend, so today we present an article in two parts: Part One by Pat Nevan, and Part Two by Peter Atkinson

What can I say? It’s the End of Days for AOS 3 and I wouldn’t be much of a pseudo-intellectual content creator if I didn’t bust out the occasional bit of half-remembered poetry from time to time. If you think that was pretentious, count yourself lucky I didn’t roll with even more hackneyed edgelordery. “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster. For when you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.” “If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – for ever.” I’ve got one for every occasion, except holding down a proper job.

Although I did just get why this wrestler was called the Monster Abyss, after only 20 years

Anyways I recently penned an article on the Lame Duck Era, the gist of which was a description of the slow wind-down period at the end of the edition where the game enters a state of lethargy, along with a series of steps that players could take to Rage Against the Dying of the Light in the end times. Lame Duck lists could have up to three components:

• Unfinished business from 3rd Ed
• Much loved nostalgia lists from earlier editions
• Units with tired old sculpts that might not make the cut for next edition.

The basic idea is that the Lame Duck era is Last Call for 3rd Ed, so you may as well order a tray of shots and have at it. So Editor Pete and I have a tournament coming up in Geelong this weekend (2nd and 3rd March), Summer Smash run by Tricky Dicky of Throw the Dice fame. I did just subject the Craichouse Patrons to an article about Lame Duck era lists, so I figured I should probably put my desperate poverty near the yammering chasm of my mouth and run one. But what to run? I’ll go through my own list and hopefully I can convince Pete to join in for a Collab, just not the kind the degenerates in the Craichouse Discord have been asking for.

At least not until our Platinum Patreon After-Dark Tier Launches

I have unfinished business in 3rd Ed. It irks me that I never got a decent result from my Plague Drones and I’d love to get a win with Nurgle after the recent nerfs to Sloppity. I’ve got a few models that are probably headed for that great legends PDF in the sky that deserve a last hurrah but I kept circling back to my Khorne armies. I loved my mortal Khorne lists, played ’em right through 1st Ed and 2nd Ed. Branched out into the STD and the BOC, toyed with the Daemons but kept coming back at them through thick and thin and finding ways to win.

When the abomination of a 3rd Ed Battletome launched I dropped them like they were a late 1930’s Soviet intellectual with ‘unsuitable’ associations. I may have mentioned this a time or two before but the book sucked and was written as the very antithesis of what people are looking for in a Khorne army, and the Mortal side was the worst of it. They turned a horde of blood-crazed berserkers into an accountants’ club outing of board control and tarpitting. Still, the more I thought on my Lame Duck list, the more I came back to Khorne. Why should I stop playing them the way I want to? I’m not the asshole that doesn’t know how to write a Battletome.

Lifted that line from a classic, love you forever Michael Bolton

So here it goes, my one and only Khorne list for 3rd Ed.

Generic Gore Pilgrims 30:  Yeah? Well I say lots of stuff.

Allegiance: Khorne

• Slaughterhost: The Skullfiend Tribe
• Grand Strategy: Slaughter of Sorcery
  – Triumphs: Inspired

Leaders
Korghos Khul (160)*
Slaughterpriest (110)*
– General
– Command Trait: High-priest of Khorne
– Artefact: The Crimson Plate
– Prayer: Unholy Flames
– Prayer: Killer Instinct
Skarr Bloodwrath (110)*
Bloodstoker (90)**
– Nullstone Adornment: Pouch of Nulldust
Bloodsecrator (120)**
– Artefact: Banner of Blood
Realmgore Ritualist (110)**
– Prayer: Blood Sacrifice
– Prayer: Bloodbind

Battleline
10 x Bloodreavers (80)
– Meatripper Axes
10 x Bloodreavers (80)
– Meatripper Axes
10 x Bloodreavers (80)
– Meatripper Axes

Units
10 x Skullreapers (380)
– Daemonblades
– Reinforced x 1
10 x Wrathmongers (280)
– Reinforced x 1
5 x Wrathmongers (140)
1 x Khorgorath (90)
1 x Chaos Chariot (80)**
– Mark of Chaos: Khorne
1 x Chaos Chariot (80)*
– Mark of Chaos: Khorne

Core Battalions
*Warlord
**Warlord

Additional Enhancements
Prayer
Artefact

Total: 1990 / 2000
Reinforced Units: 2 / 4
Allies: 0 / 400
Wounds: 162
Drops: 15

First of all congrats to me for Generic Gore Pilgrims No: 30, that makes it my 30th two-dayer since AOS Masters 2018, time and money well spent. I put a lot of thought into this one, trying to recapture the 1st and 2nd Ed magic in a competitive format while avoiding the worst travesties of the 3rd Ed Battletome, and I think I’ve come reasonably close.

The whole list is in the Skullfiend Tribe which gives out a fight first on a natural 8+ to charge, combining with the reroll from the Bloodsecrator banner to give you a chance at a decent charge turn. The Goretide would have been more thematic but the rules are ass. The Flayed Mortal subfaction originated in the Wrath of the Everchosen and like everything from the wretched book, it’s a painful misfire. I’m not surprised they rebadged it as the Mortal Khorne Tarpit faction.

Obviously it’s an all-Mortal list. The only points you need to know for Daemons are their Blood Tithe summoning costs. I left out the Blood Warriors and Mighty Skullcrushers, didn’t run ’em back in the day, won’t run ’em now. While I generally approve of guys encased in metal having decent saves, Tarpitting strats are an offence to Khorne.

In 3rd Ed a lot of my Classic Khorne builds weren’t viable. The old double Warshrine, double Bloodsecrator, double Bloodstoker and double 40 Marauder blob was just a non-starter. I kept the 10 Skullreapers that ruled 1st Ed and the 10 Wrathmongers that dominated 2nd Ed, I guess they’re ok now. I painted up two Chaos Chariots I had lying around as a tribute to my old STD allies and as a necessary way to get Battle Tactics (sigh). For that special snowflake touch I threw in a Khorgorath on the grounds that I’d never actually put one in a tournament list before.

As for the heroes, the minimum support you need for this kind of list left me with two free slots. Skarr has been in every Khorne list I have run since forever so in he goes. I wanted to take Scylla or Valkia as they are finecast and probably headed for the chopping block. Unfortunately Valkia has a weird no retreat rule that will inevitably cost Battle Tactics (sigh) and Scylla’s rules are just plain awful.

There isn’t enough love in the world to run that as a 110pt combat hero

That leaves Khorghos Khul. I would have cheerfully gone Old School and taken a regular Mighty Lord in his place, except the Mighty Lord lost his Reality Splitting Axe insta-kill on a 5+ for some unfathomable reason. Some people thought that a 5+ insta-kill was regarded as too powerful an ability for a generic 130pt hero. I thought the Khorne Battletome writers were having a competition to see who could write the most disappointing warscroll for a Mortal hero. You can decide who was right?

So I used the points I had set aside for a Judgement and traded up for Khul. At least he is harder to shoot off the board these days, and there is a whole generation of players who haven’t had anything important straight up vanished by the Axe yet. Should be fun.

How will the list go? I honestly couldn’t say. It’s not a novelty list; people have done very well with very similar builds so I suppose it will come down to match ups and pilot skill, which is a bit of a worry. I haven’t been playing the current Battletome but there will be something really wrong with me if I can’t sleep run this kind of army to at least a 3-2. Either way I’m deeming the Lame Duck army concept a success. I had an absolute blast writing this list. I’m raring to go for the tournament and all this time with the Khorne Battletome has really lifted the levels of mean-spirited, petty resentment that has carried me from Generic Gore Pilgrims 1 to 30. Anyways, over to editor Pete and it’s fair to say he’s a bit less enthusiastic about the end of days for the Bonesplitterz.

---

Bonesplitterz at Summer Smash 2024: “The Game Has Never Been More Balanced”

by Peter Atkinson

Congratulations, GW, you’ve finally done it. Your campaign to proactively drive Bonesplitterz out of competitive play has reached its end point, where there’s only one stubborn cunt on the planet who’s still wasting his weekends pushing around this useless sack of monkey shit you sold me and then ran into the ground.

There’s been plenty of times over the years when Destro players have had some pretty shabby treatment. GH17 comes to mind, when the devs were too lazy to give Moonclan or Gutbusters a single page of band-aid rules. Or GH18, when lightening struck twice to the great amazement of nobody, and GW were again happy to put their name to such an abject embarrassment of a contents page.

And having played Destro through thick and thin, I can honestly say that GW have done their worst job yet of supporting an army they sold me. There’s only two main kits clogging up that slick logistics machine that keeps on kicking goals (orcs, and orcs riding pigs) – so the only tangible benefit to deleting them from the range will be that the devs don’t have to bother updating their rules once every three years. They certainly haven’t been rushed off their feet writing extra rules for the constant stream of new releases the army has been supported with.

Here’s the list, for what it’s worth. The army is bin tier and I go into this event in the full knowledge that my results will be dogshit.

Is it good at fighting?

Hell no. Big Drogg with Hoarfrost is your main outlet for damage, but there’s plenty of units in the game that can just smoke him without giving it a second thought. Savage Orruks, however, are not amongst them – coming in with a pathetic 2 attacks each at 4s and 4s (with zero rend and damage 1), you would need to cast Hoarfrost on all three aspects of their melee profile at once to elevate them above the level of “awful”.

The army did catch a minor bump from the core FAQ, in that Drakkfoot will now switch off Bodyguards as well as classic wards; but on the flip side, GW either couldn’t be bothered to fix the melee range on Morboys or forgot that they exist, because they’re still labouring under a 1″ reach on 32mm bases. Cheers for that.

How about Battle Tactics?

Lol no. The Orruk Warclans BTs were an early-edition swing and a miss, but unlike Kruleboyz and Ironjawz (let alone far stronger armies such as Skaven), Bonesplitterz didn’t get a second pass in the Battlescroll. As such their battle tactics are a complete sack of shit. The new one for taking a Nullstone artefact is a non-starter too, because the army cannot function without wizards.

But hey, let’s look on the bright side: Waaagh! is a very achievable grand strat. All I really have to do is to not get tabled. So an army packed full of 6+ armour saves with low bravery and no recursion should be grand, right?

Thanks to the fellas in the Destro chat over in our Discord who helped me write the list – we’re trying to make champagne out of cat’s piss here, and I’m not sure we quite managed it, but I can say we tried our best for this army. I just hope the devs can look in the mirror and say they did the same.

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